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→Leading Roshar (1174 - ): finished chapter 100
(→Leading Roshar (1174 - ): finished chapter 100) |
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When the time came for the first meeting with all of the members of the coalition, Dalinar still feeling haunted and weary from what happened in Azir, asked Navani to lead the meeting in his place. Throughout the meeting Dalinar sat in his chair, gazing imperiously at all present with little participation in the debate. When the meeting took a recess Navani sat down with Dalinar and told him that he needed to get out of the tower and take a break. They decided that Dalinar would go to Vedenar to assess the situation over there before they sent in troops to aid Taravangian and his people.{{book ref|sa3|96}}
{{sidequote
|It seemed that Dalinar had been four people in his life. The bloodlusty warrior, who killed wherever he was pointed, and the consequences could go to Damnation.
The general, who had feigned distinguished civility—when secretly, he'd longed to get back on the battlefield so he could shed more blood.
Third, the broken man. The one who paid for the actions of the youth.
Then finally, the fourth man: most false of them all. The man who had given up his memories so he could pretend to be something better.
|Dalinar reflecting on his past.{{book ref|sa3|100}}
|side=left|size=350px
}}
As Dalinar toured Vedenar he tried to distract himself but he was unable to and his mind kept wandering back to what he had done at Rathalas. Eventually Navani was led away from him and Dalinar made his way to a gazebo to look upon the ruins of city by himself. As he gazed upon the remains of the civil war he smelled smoke and heard phantom weeping, things he remembered feeling before he went to the Nightwatcher. Eventually Taravangian arrived carrying a [[half-shard]] to show Dalinar. They discussed how the fabrials were made and Dalinar, suddenly overwhelmed by the moral implications of 'enslaving' spren inside fabrials, tried to change the subject. They discussed the morality of what [[Sadees]], Dalinar's ancestor, had done to Roshar. Taravangian argued that they would be better off if Sadees had succeeded in his quest of conquering all of Roshar as it have left them better equipped to fight off the Voidbringers as a unified force. Dalinar was uncertain that this would have justified the slaughter and death such a conquest would have required, and he said that in any case they could not change the past. Taravangian started to explain to Dalinar how artifabrians trapped spren in gemstones for fabrial, but Dalinar became overwhelmed again and hastily left the king's presence.{{book ref|sa3|100}}
Dalinar made his way to the [[stormshelter]]s outside the city walls where he inspected the city's troops, a process which seemed to calm him down. At the end of his inspection he came to a tent filled with wounded soldiers. One of them, [[Geved]], told Dalinar what fighting in the Veden civil war had been like. As he listened to Geved's description of the battle he recognized that the Thrill had been involved, and he began to feel the Thrill inside him. This was the first time in a very long time that Dalinar had felt the Thrill within himself. He realized that throughout his time on the Shattered Plains when the Thrill had been fading from within him it had not been because he had been working to overcome it, rather the Thrill had left him.{{book ref|sa3|100}}
{{sidequote
|If you become that first man again, it will stop hurting. In your youth, you did what needed to be done. You were stronger then.
Is this leadership? To cry each night? To shake and tremble? Those are the actions of a child, not a man.
Give me your pain.
|Odium speaking to Dalinar as he tried to escape the Thrill.{{book ref|sa3|100}}{{disputed|It is not clear who exactly was speaking to Dalinar}}
|side=right|size=350px
}}
Dalinar's composure collapsed again, and he dashed away, desperate to be away from all of the people. He made his way to the city walls and reflected on his past as he walked along the fortification. He was interrupted by a Veden soldier who wanted to know why an Alethi man was spying on the city's walls. Dalinar felt the Thrill surge within himself, urging him to attack the man. He dashed away trying to escape from the Thrill, but it did not work. He tried sucking in Stormlight to push it away, but it only made it worse. As he made his way to the Oathgate, trying to slow his pace pace and keep his head up, he heard voices in his head telling him to give up responsibility for what he had done. He lost all composure and began charging through the city trying to get to the Oathgate and the escape it provided as fast as he could. When he arrived at the Oathgate he found Navani and a number of ardents, [[Curates]], members of the [[Holy Enclave]] in [[Valath]] wearing blue robes and holding ornate staves waiting for him. The ardents announced that they could no longer tolerate his claims that the [[Almighty]] had died, and they were proclaiming that he was to be excommunicated and considered anathema to all good Vorin people. As the ardent began outlining his heresies Dalinar felt the Thrill surge within him, urging him to kill the man standing before him. Dalinar fled, dashing for the control building before he could do the man any harm. Dalinar then, despite the Stormfather's protests, reached into the Spiritual Realm and forced something into the Oathgate, activating it without a Shardblade.{{book ref|sa3|100}}
{{sidequote
|You can't escape yourself, Dalinar, this is who you are. Accept it.
|Evi's voice speaking in Dalinar's mind.{{book ref|sa3|100}}
|side=left|size=350px
}}
Dalinar stumbled from the Oathgate in a daze, ignoring everyone around him. He heard Evi's voice in his mind telling him to accept who he was and not try to escape it. He made his way to his room and picked up ''The Way of Kings'', but he could not read it and it could not help him. He dropped the book and, almost unconsciously, made his way to Adolin's room. He searched the room until he found the bottle of strong violet wine Adolin kept for special occasions. He realized that he was turning back to the way he was before he went to the Nightwatcher but he decided that it would be worth it if it meant he wouldn't start killing people again. He drank from the bottle and drifted away.{{book ref|sa3|100}}
=== Oathbringer ===
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